Unintended Consequences?
Whether you agree with it or not, whether it had the economic impact that was intended or not, the boycott of big retailers in the days following Thanksgiving Day in the US provided us with an opportunity that is always there, but rarely seized. That’s the opportunity to shift our expectations, and those of our family and friends, of what the holidays mean to us and how we celebrate them.
Asking the question: “You mean we don’t have to go into debt to get the newest, biggest, bestest thing???” can give us a momentary pause to reflect on our habits at this time of year. To interrupt a habit is often a moment’s reflection that can create something new. That “something new” comes from our forebrain. That brief release from the habitual stress of the holidays gives us a momentary flash of insight that things could be different. The forebrain — which is what becomes active when we lightly hold our palm across our forehead — is creative. The back brain, in contrast, is what holds the records of our past stress responses that resulted in us still being alive. Forebrain creates, backbrain reacts.
Hold your hand over your forehead for a moment as you bring to mind a holiday memory from childhood. It can be a “good” one or a “bad” one. If it’s a tough memory, stay with it, still holding your palm over your forehead. Allow the feelings to come up. Allow your view to broaden as the feelings shift. Can you understand the situation better from your adult self than you could as a child? Stay with this until your breathing becomes easier. Remind your child self that you have more skills now and can create different outcomes. In fact, play with changing the outcome right now. Your brain doesn’t care. Imagine the scene playing out differently, or with a more satisfying ending where you were safe and cared for. Maybe you still spend your holidays with those people, but you are independent now and can meet your own needs. Or maybe you decide to try celebrating with someone else or somewhere else this year?
If a sweet memory came to mind, what made it sweet? Was it a special person? Special food? Special music? A quality of light, of reverence, of tradition? Chances are — unless you got a pony or a puppy — it wasn’t the gifts or fancy trappings that made that memory sweet. What are the feelings? In your body, your heart, your head? What made them special? For me, around age ten, it was the first candlelit Christmas Eve service I ever attended. It was out of the ordinary to go to church so late at night. Then to walk with a lit candle, among all the lit candles, illuminating faces — young and old. A quiet reverence filled the sanctuary that was different from other services as we listened to the story of a poor couple, houseless for the night, finding a humble refuge in which their baby was born. Amazon can’t deliver that…
What could you simplify this year? How could you get other family members involved so that you’re not doing it all? We are creating the memories of our future selves, how can we make them more creative, less stressed, more joyful? In whatever way you celebrate, I wish you happiness and renewal.